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A GAY MAN'S GUIDE
TO 'SOFT-WILLY SEX'


POETRY

homosensual poems


poems of the month

fish

vagabondage

measuring my face

ostracism

old clothes

modern iranian poems

my hero

face at the bottom of the world

perhaps (maybe)

the diogenes sequence

where to store furs

i am and am not:
      fragments of rumi

destiny and destination

the zen of no-enlightenment

the iraqi monologues

already backwards

a light in ruins

separate amputations

the sexy jihad

awaiting the barbarians

the smell of possibilities

ultimate leaves

rejoice in the dog

post-millennium maggot

the book of nothing

confession from belgrade

dispatches from the war against the world

albanian poems

french poems in honour of jean genet

the hells going on

the joy of suicide

book disease

foreground trouble

the transcendental hotel

cinema of the blind

lament of the earth mother

uranian poems

haikai by okami

haikai on the edge

black hole of your heart

jung's motel

leda and the swan

gloss on rilke's ninth duino elegy

jewels and shit:
poems by rimbaud

villon's dialogue with his heart

vasko popa: a shepherd of wolves ?

the rubáiyát of
omar khayyám

genrikh sapgir:
an ironic mystic

the love of pierre de ronsard

imagepoem

the rich man and the leper

disgusting

art, truth and bafflement

 

TRANSLATIONS

 

BETWEEN POETRY AND PROSE

the maxims of michel de montaigne

400
revolutionary maxims

nice men and
suicide of an alien

anti-fairy tales

the most terrible event in history

 

SHORT STORIES

godpieces

the three bears

three albanian tales

odorous underwear

a little creation story

 

ESSAYS

helen's tower

schopenhauer for muthafuckas

after a first cataract operation

never a pygmy

against money

did franco die ?

'original sin' followed by
crippled consciousness

a gay man's guide to soft-willy sex

the holosensual alternative

tiger wine

the death of poetry

the absinthe drinker

with mrs dalloway in ukraine

love  and  hell

running on emptiness

a holocaust near you

happiness

londons of the mind &
dealing death to the caspian

genocide

a muezzin from the tower of darkness

kegan and kagan

a holy dog and a
dog-headed saint

an albanian ikon

being or television

satan in the groin

womb of half-fogged mirrors

tourism and terrorism

diogenes
the dog from sinope

shoplifting

this sorry scheme of things

the bektashi dervishes

combatting normality

fools for nothingness:
atheists & saints

death of a bestseller

vacuum of desire: a homo-erotic correspondence

a note on beards

translation and the oulipo

the visit

 

PHOTOGRAPHS

prelude

 

Nuadú, God of War

field guide to megalithic ireland

megalith of the month

houses for the dead

ireland and the phallic continuum

irish cross-pillars

irish sweathouses

the sheela-na-gig conundrum

french megaliths

 

'western values'

 

help combat normality


 

 

 

 

this site only

 

 

 

 

 

 

TRY A PAGE AT RANDOM

 

homosensual poems

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

soft penis, soft dick, soft cock, soft prick

wiener, schlong, dong, tool, wang, prick, pecker, knob, boner, pork-poker, thingummy, Peter, Percy, John-Thomas

 

since 13 vi MMX

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Speaking for the [heterosexual] men of this world, we want to own the beauty of the woman we're fucking. We want to grasp that beauty tightly in our greedy little fingers, to well and truly possess it, to make it ours."

- Andrew Davidson in
THE GARGOYLE

Can't homosexual love at least aim to be a little less possessive than this ?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

holosensuality

Soft Willy Sex

How sad are the men who take Viagra - and worse - to make their cocks hard!
They are too anti-sensual, unaware of their bodies to have learned the glorious, liberating pleasures of being soft and passionate with another man. An un-erect organ (also known as a willy) is at least as beautiful as - and certainly more cute than - an erect, throbbing and precum-dribbling one.

Sex is just a suite of rooms in the Grand Hotel of Sensuality. "Foreplay" can be a whole banquet, not just an apéritif or the warm-up to a game, the brief means to an end. Two men who are attracted to each other can have marvellous shared hours and sensations without even touching cocks. Opening your heart and mind to sheer sensuality makes you aware of delicious and powerful subtleties within you that you never dreamed you had.


Soft Willy Sex


And why did you never dream of these gentle but profound, life-changing delights ?
Because of the barrage of misinformation (mostly from religion) about the nature of sex (and its confusion with both 'love' and sensuality on the one hand, and with 'spirituality' on the other), and the total lack of information from criminally insane education systems (created to provide unfulfilling labour for anti-sensual capitalism) about the simple, wholesome enjoyment of one's own and other people's bodies.

For simple sensuality adds nothing to the Gross National Product, employs nobody in factories, nor does it require the purchase of anything - except, perhaps, a little massage oil for the almost 3 square metres of skin (containing tens of thousands of nerve-endings) which cover us.


Soft Willy Sex


But I shall get down from my soap-box for a while and list a selection of delights available to two or more mutually-attracted visitors to the Palace of Enhanced Perception, starting from the head and moving down.

Head-massage - from simple rubbing and scratching right through to mutual hair-pulling.
Also massaging the balls with a shaven or close-cut scalp.

Face-massage, and rubbing faces together. This is especially delicious if the two faces are bearded. Mutual beard-pulling can also be delightful.

Neck-massage and gentle kneading. With or without oil.
Shiatsu or simple kneading of torso (back and front) with thumbs and palms. Thumbs inserted gently but firmly between vertebræ can be delicious.

What almost every gay man is acutely aware of is, of course, his nipples. But there, too, an unfortunate masochistic machismo has desensitised many gay men, who need violence to be perpetrated on their little protuberances for them to feel anything at all. But, as in so many areas of sensibility, 'less is more', and the gentlest licking, tickling or tweaking of nipples can send an electric shock running down to the prostate, on to the balls and arse-hole, on down to the feet, up to the head and down to the nipples again: Kundalini!

A bushy beard rubbed against nipples can induce similar sensations, as can a soft (or hard) willy (or balls) similarly applied.

Any man who is not attracted to natural, undeodorised armpits need read no further. He has perverted his sense of smell to reject male pheromones, and will certainly not rejoice in the taste of sweaty underarms.

And talking of sweat, a bit of erotic wrestling can add a great new flavour to the sensual banquet. It is really an extension of the hugging and squeezing which are at once exciting and deeply reassuring.

Strangely enough, though the nipples are possibly the most poetically-sensitive part of the body, the area below - the belly - is probably the least sensitive. At least for me. But I am sure there are men and boys out there who have erogenous bellies or even belly-buttons.


Soft-willy sex


Next to the nipples, the most erogenous zone for me - yet also most pacifying when gently squeezed - is my scrotum-with-balls. A beard or unshaven chin rubbed against them can be splendid, and to have a nice full and hairy scrotum rubbed passionately against your own, or your face, can cause ineffable delight.

Below the ball-sac are the inner thighs, which are extremely sensitive to touch and tongue. As are the feet, a much neglected part of our sensual equipment, except among sadly-exclusive foot-fetishists. Mutual foot-massage (especially Reflex Therapy) is thoroughly satisfying and life-enhancing. Mutual foot-kissing is a very special experience, almost religious in its effect.


kissing feet


Even more neglected in the patristic monogamous cultures are the hands. I have spent hours in exquisite mutual hand-tickling and finger-touching.

I have mentioned only a few of the more obvious zones that can become erogenous with a sexy, sensual partner. There are, of course, the buttocks, the small of the back, the calves, the inner arms which is as sensitive as the inner thighs. And of course the anal sphincter, which does not need to be penetrated forcefully by a huge throbbing penis (or vibrating dildo) to receive pleasure like a flower receives a bee.

But if you are attuned to pleasure from sheer sensuality, your cock will respond in kind. If it started out soft, it will go hard, and then maybe soft again. It will have its own rhythm, and it is important not to think that it has to be hard. Remember that many men can ejaculate withoute their cock being touched, and they are not just the foot-fetishists and the premature-ejaculators.

This moves us to a new area of consideration. Attuned men can experience "internal", "cerebral" or "spiritual" orgasms, whether their cocks are hard or soft.


Soft willy joy

 

FOR ORGASM IS NOT THE SAME AS EJACULATION. Many ejaculations are far from orgasmic. And orgasm is not the expulsion of desire like a blockage from a pipe. It is a feeling of harmony, of your body being 'in tune' with itself and with the other body it is pleasuring and pleasured by. Making love is like a musical tone-poem, or even a raga.

It helps, of course, if you have tried or even mastered some yogic techniques, whether 'ordinary' hatha yoga, or breath control. A simple breathing practice involves the mere attention to inhalation and exhalation, while you graduallyincrease the length of the pause between breaths. Eventually you can slow your breathing down until there is a very long gap between breaths. Advanced practitioners get into a state between living and dying (though of course they are living in a much more real way than the rest of us), and in this state it is possible for the body to seem to explode orgasmically, while the consciousness zooms off somewhere like a raven on a crag. Some have reported that they 'felt like a mushroom cloud above a nuclear blast' with the dust of their 'former consciousness' slowly raining down on on their transparent bodies 'in blissful droplets'.

When this happens you enter a state of permanent prelude to orgasm, and it needs only a bit of imagination to practise other releasing 'tricks' such as very fast belly-breathing or 'yogic locks' which are the exercise and squeezing of muscles, especially those concentrated in the perineum, 'solar plexus' and feet - rather like the 'isometric' exercises which can tone any muscles of the body while you are sitting at a desk, or in a chair, or in a train.

A specifically sexual practice is squatting so that your perineum presses down on your heel while you touch your nipples.

When you get in touch with your body through these practices, your whole consciousness alters profoundly and often shockingly - but in a controllable way which is not possible when you take powerful psychoactive substances without similar training. Those open to sensual awakening will slide into Tantra like a snake through a hole in a cliff into a marvellous cave of stalagmites and stalactites. Your testicles will gently and continuously pulse, and an electric current will run from them through your prostate up to your nipples, round your head and down your back and through your anus down to your feet. You will also feel 'beautifully apart'.

Perineal self-portrait

You will then discover Tantric masturbation - which can be a marvellous two-day (or week-long) testosterone-conquering event, whose satisfying effects can last indefinitely. When masturbation is regarded not as a poor substitute, but an evolved and chosen alternative to mutual or group sensuality, the mind (mainly the left hemisphere) opens to the beauty of simplicity and the illusory nature of loneliness.

If you can somehow meet another man with similar developed sexuality, you will be able to have amazing sex-without-sex, simply by gazing into each other's eyes and swimming in the flow between you both - a flow which will probably produce 'head-orgasms' which will beautifully balance the (non-ejaculatory) body-orgasms which will occur just by touching finger-tips. And if you 'go further', and start gently touching balls and nipples, feet and spine, you will experience incredible singing of the body electric.

When I make love I always have music, and often that music will include a classical Indian râg, because this highest form of music is an expression of flow - and not, like so much Western and especially commercial music, gush. I also play electronic 'ambient' music (like that of David Parsons, Sergey Starostin, or Klaus Schulze; Jean-Michel Jarre's Oxygène, Terry Oldfield's Spirit of the Rain Forest, etc.); Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here and Meddle, Schubert's Trout Quintet, or the most erotic of Romantic music, Brahms' Double Concerto or First String Quintet, Franck's Piano Quintet...

Then there is what I call Arab Fusion - the amazing music of (such as) the Trio Joubran, Abou Khalil and Anwar Brahem.

Such music enhances the flow of sensual awareness, appreciation, complicity, of mutuality and exploration which is way beyond the mere functional physicality which is a cornerstone of Western culture: a kind of spirituality which the monotheisms condemn when they are even aware that they exist. (The exception being, perhaps, in the more advanced states of Sufism.)

Sessions of sensuality can cater for all the senses. The wine (especially bubbly), the amuses-gueule or little delicacies, good-quality incense, appropriate lighting. For me, raised in and handicapped by a puritan and anti-touching, anti-hug, anti-kiss and sex-obsessed culture, some kind of disinhibiter - like champagne - is necessary. A couple of puffs of flowery cannabis can do wonders, as can half a dozen 'magic' mushrooms with the right partner, or a small quantity of 'designer' drugs known by a series of initials. But most men don't need such aids, and I, approaching senility, need them less and less. I can get drunk (and erect) just sniffing a friendly armpit, or by nuzzling an available furry perineum.

Not to mention cherries recently on the tree, grapes from the vine, pistachio ice-cream... In winter there can be the amazing sensation of frozen medlars straight from the tree - with, if you are fortunate, the warm cream of seeding desire.


Soft-willy Sex


Yesterday - drunk on the perfume of my own armpits and cock, rather than the 20-year old Armagnac - I had continuous non-ejaculatory orgasm for over an hour. No animals were harmed. No human was disappointed.

Many and delightful are the non-ejaculatory orgasms of men in tune with their bodies. And when the prostate is 'in tune', delicious mini-orgasms can occur when pissing! The Thousand Nights and a Night might be a Sufi allegory of everlasting and creative love-making without ejaculation. And beyond that, as I have indicated above, the 'ultimate' soft-willy sex can be enlighteningly performed with only two pairs of eyes - or by two one-eyed guys!

'Love' is a pathetic and mean word for celebratory respect!

But when the kiss-lick-and-cuddle-buddy is not available

can be a marvellous two-day, testosterone-conquering event, whose satisfying effects might last a week or more. When masturbation is regarded not as a poor substitute, but an alternative to mutual or group sensuality, the mind (mainly the left hemisphere) opens to the beauty of simplicity and the illusory nature of loneliness.

The primitive, unintelligent attitude of sexual enslavement to the paradigm of mere charge and discharge is what powers the driven evil of our species. Liberation must begin at the personal level, at the sexual level. Our species will have wrecked the planet and died out before even the slightest liberation occurs, because we are terrified of liberation, terrified of using our intelligence, terrified of changing our ways even slightly. It is this terror which fuels not just our crude and mechanistic attitude to sex, but its corollary: our mindless cruelty.

The problem of mankind - and the planet - is Man's inability to cope with testosterone. Humans are evolved enough to remove all the checks and balances that limit the populations of other species, but not intelligent enough to replace them with anything other than the patently stupid moralisms based on the inanities, cruelties and lies of religions manufactured by men. Thus testosterone rules our lives, we are breeding ourselves to extinction, and - far, far worse, the planet to its sixth extinction.


DEPOPULATE NOW


Testosterone is the serpent whispering in Eve's ear. Testosterone is the father of war and of all manufactured weapons of mass destruction. Testosterone is the devil which possesses men and the women or partner they possess. Testosterone loves possessing. Testosterone says 'Ejaculate!' Women and men say 'Here, in me!' And so we proceed.

Testosterone is also happy to sublimate/branch into other forms of desire - especially property and power, control and lordship. Human testosterone knows no bounds, because human beings are not intelligent enough to check or circumvent it, especially in civilised societies in which, inevitably, sexual activity assumes far too great an importance, because people don't know how to accord it the respect that would place it properly in the scheme of things.

We in the mechanical, goal-driven, thing-oriented West have been stultified by the delusion that orgasm is only a bodily, mechanical product (of sexual capitalism). But 'sex' is largely a matter of mind, of expectation - and the narrow minds squeezed out by Abrahamic monotheisms and Confucian conformisms can only conceive of erotic sensuality as procreative (or recreational) function, rather than spiritual expansion and exploration of consciousness and essence. Because these dogmas and doctrines are anti-sensual, they are, like their logical end-point, Nazism, inevitably anti-spiritual and unimaginably destructive.

The leaders, preachers, theologians and practitioners of these body-denying and death-defying religions have a strong interest in the micro-prevention of spiritual development - which would of course eventually reveal them to be redundant and grotesque.

Non-penetrative, wholesome and therapeutic sexy sensuality is a religious act - whereas mere religious rituals - at best - involve sublimated sexuality.


Selfportrait by Bill Puztai


With this in mind, it is very easy to take control of testosterone through sensuality. All we need to understand is - as I have stated above - that male orgasm is independent of ejaculation. Both are functions of the prostate gland, but one is not necessary to produce the other. Legion are the unsatisfactory orgasms - maybe most are (at least spiritually) unsatisfactory. Many and delightful are the non-ejaculatory orgasms of men in tune with their and each other's bodies. They can even induce that spiritual love which has nothing to do with property or procreation, but everything to do with celebration.

If love is not celebratory, it is little more than an excuse for abuse. When love is proprietorial, highly rôle-dependent, and jealous, it is merely capitalism (that is to say grasping meanness) of the spirit.


rough trade ?


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